Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
