ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
