my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
