Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
