I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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