Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
