At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
