Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
