When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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