I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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