U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
