yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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