That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
