you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
