Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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