There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
