On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
