Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
