I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
