Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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