I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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