I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
