Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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