Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
