we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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