its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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