White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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