dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
