No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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