Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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