I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
