What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
