I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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