you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
