god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
