did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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