did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
