My hand turned me down
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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