Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
