she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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