That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
