he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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