I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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