rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
