if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
