my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
