We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
