Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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