your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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