i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
