if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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