Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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