you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
