Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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